The Normal Beaty Bunch

Tuesday, July 11, 2023

The Devil made me do it!

Posted in adopted,confused,death,Father's love,Pray4Beatys,special needs | 1:21 PM | by SuperMomma

N seems to be doing 'ok' then his face gets cloudy, and he gets an angry/mean/confused look on his face. Sometimes he goes to sleep, sometimes he goes outside, or walks to the street - refusing to 'hear and obey' when we ask him to put the rock down, or come to the porch.

Today - we cleaned up lunch and he sat back beside me to work on schoolwork. He stopped, and got that strange look on his face. I drew a '?' on his paper - and he filled it up with details. Let me explain the picture (in the order he drew it - and as he shook his head yes to me guessing what he drew. He used no words through all of this)

He wants to run out the front door, and get hit by a car in the street. (in the middle of the page)

That would make him "RIP" . Here he is in a coffin in the ground with a "RIP" headstone. (above the middle)
I asked him how he got the idea to go into the street, and he drew the train on the right middle, with the evil laugh ("mewhaha"). He sees the nightmare trains when he is in bed at night (moon) and it scares him. (He's talked about these trains for a few days)

I asked if the trains are something he thinks about...his eyes panicked and he shook his head NO! I said do you see them on the ceiling? He shook his head YES YES YES!!

He drew that would make Mom and Sarah cry - and the Devil so happy. (on the bottom)

At the top - it would make God sad, and would break God's heart.

I took a second piece of paper - and drew a very strong God with 3 muscles on each arm (don't laugh!) and then the nightmare train - 'WEAK'. (Noah filled in the smoke!)

I drew the devil confused - with one weak muscle in each arm.

Noah drew the Adam and Even - in the garden - that made God sad. He drew the heart- that God loved Adam and Eve anyway.

Then, he went back to the first piece of paper and beside the question mark that I drew - he drew the Devil again. The devil is making him scared. He said he can hear the Devil.

I asked how I could help him. He wrote 'text Sarah'. Poor kiddo!

Monday, July 10, 2023

Such a short honeymoon

Posted in adopted,confused,Father's love,pray,Pray4Beatys,special needs,struggles,weary,Whole Lot Of Jesus~Little Bit Of Coffee | 11:25 AM | by SuperMomma

S has been home just over a week. He was dropped on our doorstep at 1am Saturday morning (July 1). He was excited, scared, happy, sad, frightened, relieved, anxious, etc. Probably every feeling possible was in his little heart!

Saturday was a 'get to know you again' day and a Cornbelter's game. Sunday - CHURCH! We were all excited to have him back and to go to church together.

The first week was busy. S needed to get back into the routine of school. We do homeschooling all year around - so it was 'back to the grind'!

Also, B helped S do his job charts. I'm not sure either boy was excited about this partnership!! It did make the rest of us smile a LOT!

When the jobs were done, and the school (mostly) finished for the week, next was the traditional weekend movie night. S requested to watch 'The Chosen", so we did that plus a Disney movie!

THEN, the honeymoon ended! First, a couple of yelling fits (followed by a quick apology!)

Next, 'mr.sticky.fingers' came back. Silly stuff: a comb, some D-rings, soap, spray paint. He started going off on his own - (against his safety plan)...but always followed with 'I'm sorry. I'm trying, it's just hard."

THEN: I find a tablet in his room, hidden under his towel. "It didn't matter, no one was using it!" So, as we start to talk through his safety plan - and how there are rules to follow, I find another very disturbing situation!

We find the trim from the window in his bedroom. It was laying on the window sill. He pulled it off Saturday night - and we found out Sunday night.

The glass on the left side is now exposed. Andrew most likely will try to caulk it, just to keep the glass in and keep Samuel safe from getting cut (or cutting himself). Again "I'm sorry Mom & Dad. I wasn't in my right mind. I'm so sorry. I messed up. I goofed."

FRUSTRATING - the window is a special order size (it was clearance years ago when we bought it) so of course - between seeing RED and being so upset, we are seeing $$$$$$

Of course - true to form, he apologizes. And, I wonder how in the WORLD does God forgive me - when I sin, and apologize, and sin, and apologize, and sin, and.... over and over and over.

On a side note - big brother Joseph was AMAZING in talking to Samuel. My favorite part of all that - Joseph said "Samuel. You and I are a LOT alike. We are both very stubborn." (I'd like to end there - but I'll respect Joseph and continue) "We can use that stubborn spirit for bad stuff, or we can choose to use it for good! Being determined can be a blessing - so make good choices."

Monday, June 26, 2023

Just a few days away

Posted in adopted pray struggles | 11:31 AM | by SuperMomma

Samuel comes home in just a few short days.

I'm not sure he's ready yet. I know WE are not ready yet. I want him to succeed. I don't know if he can.

Sunday's sermon talked about being good stewards - of my time, resources, even my talents. Yeah, yeah yeah, I get that. I've known that for years. So I put my Bible away - but the preacher wasn't done preaching! He then talked about being a good steward of my struggles and sufferings.
(ok - now he's meddling)

I struggle with God allowing Samuel to come home before *I* am comfortable with his progress. What if he fails? How do I trust God, if Samuel fails?

Sometimes I 'hold onto' songs as encouragements - This one is my heart this week.

"This We Know"

You are who say You are
You'll do what You say You'll do
You'll be who You've always been to us
Jesus
Our hope is in You alone
Our strength in Your mighty name
Our peace in the darkest day remains
Jesus

This we know
We will see the enemy run
This we know
We will see the victory come
We hold on to every promise You ever made
Jesus, You are unfailing

Our God through the wilderness
And our joy in the heaviness
Our way when it seems there is no way
Jesus

This we know
We will see the enemy run
This we know
We will see the victory come
We hold on to every promise You ever made
Jesus, You are unfailing

We trust You, we trust You
Your ways are higher than our own
We trust You, we trust You
Your ways are higher than our own
We trust You, we trust You
Your ways are higher than our own
We trust You
In all things we trust You
Your ways are mightier than our own

This we know
We will see the enemy run
This we know
We will see the victory come
We hold on to every promise You ever made
Jesus, You are unfailing
This we know
We will see the enemy run
This we know
We will see the victory come
We hold on to every promise You ever made
Jesus, You are unfailing
Jesus, You are unfailing

We trust You, we trust You
Your ways are higher than our own
We trust You, we trust You
Your ways are higher than our own

We trust You
In all things we trust You
Your ways are higher than our own
Forever we trust You
We trust You
Your ways are higher than our own

Tuesday, June 13, 2023

BrainFarts

Posted in | 2:53 PM | by SuperMomma

Noah has been struggling with his behavior. Typically, increasing his Trileptal helps with that. He also (in my uneducated opinion) is having mini seizures. Here is a video from this morning. It lasted AT LEAST 15 seconds before he responded to me, although I only got the last 5 or 6 seconds.

Noah had at least 4 of these episodes this morning!

After Noah has these 'brain farts' - he either sleeps for 3-4 hours, or he has unsafe behaviors. Today - we were blessed with the behavior response!!

Before lunch he tried to elope from the back yard.

We have a lock on the gate - but it was still loose enough for Noah to slip through. Of course, I forgot the combination (anyone know it??)

Now, Zip Ties are my favorite thing!

Parker and her two kiddos were here today - so she helped to calm him down, and everyone ate lunch together. We all thought Noah was back into a safe place.

After lunch - they all went back outside to play, and within just a few minutes Titus came back inside -

"MOM! MOM! Noah is out front AGAIN!"

I walked out the front door - and (he isn't a very good 'hide and seek' player) immediately found his orange shirt! LOL

I wish I could get inside of his mind, and figure out what he's thinking. What is going on in there? How can I help him? What can I do to make him feel safe? He seems so sad, scared, confused.

I was able to get him onto the front porch - to watch some music videos on my phone. He has been watching videos now - for 3 hours.

Songs like In Jesus Name

and I Speak Jesus

and Whole Heart

Tuesday, June 6, 2023

Pet Therapy

Posted in adopted,anxiety,Beatys,hope,Pray4Beatys | 9:54 AM | by SuperMomma

This just made me laugh!! Oh how I needed to laugh today.

6:45 am - T is out of his room before he supposed to be -sets off the siren alarm. I think when he realized that I was SERIOUS about staying in his room - he tried to change his attitude. Let's hope it lasts all day!

9:30 am - N is awake (finally) and takes Cam outside - turns hose on and attempts to run away with Cam. He grabs a softball sized rock. Dad goes out the front door to the street, turns and sees Noah at the side of the house, pants around his kneed, peeing! Finally, Dad gets him back inside. and we struggle/wrestle to get a safety harness on him. (So glad no one watched that show!) I guess I'll have a sidekick attached to my hip all day!

FUN POSITIVES today - I got a text from an Eastview Pastor - saying they had set up some adults to talk a boy for a few hours thoughout the summer - to give us some respite! WOW! That's amazing.

A gal from the 'funding source' that is making Residential a possibility for S - called today to help figure out what other RTC would take Samuel. It felt like a small breath of fresh air!

Monday, June 5, 2023

Is it bedtime yet?

Posted in adopt,anxiety,Beatys,boys,confused,Father's love,Pray4Beatys,service dog,special needs | 8:33 PM | by SuperMomma

What a day it has been!

Started with finding out that J had been up most of the night in his room. (Good Job! on not coming out and waking everyone up!) He was up and down, lights on, lights off basically all night. He had to be exhausted. He had taken his bathrobe belt and made a noose with it. Don't ask why - that question never gets answered!

Today was the first day of our new school year. Overall, the kids listened well and seemed excited to start school.

N struggled in the afternoon. He left the house with his dog and no one knew! He was 'off' over 5 hours before we got him in bed.

A got to enjoy the dentist this afternoon, I think he may be rethinking his choice of avoiding brushing his teeth!!

B is hearing voices again, and they are getting louder. He is struggling, but our psychiatrist is out of the office!

J lost his mind tonight. He ON PURPOSE broke some wheels off of special light up cars. He did this just for fun and doesn't understand why he should get in trouble or pay to have them replaced. He also doesn't understand why he has consequences for telling Dad to 'SHUT UP', shoving the table across the room, or throwing books around!

T had a GREAT day! OH WAIT - CORRECTION!! Titus 'spray painted' the cameras in his room early in the morning - thinking I wouldn't notice. BUMMER - I did. GRRR. He is now supposed to be cleaning his room (it's 9:35 pm) But he's not~!

UPDATE: 10:40 T finally laid down. I don't know about him - but I AM EXHAUSTED!

Friday, June 2, 2023

If I want it - I take it

Posted in adopt,anxiety,cross,Father's love,Pray4Beatys,special needs | 9:41 AM | by SuperMomma

S is currently in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC). He is struggling, and is being transferred to a different placement, due to him not responding to the treatment in the RTC. Even though he KNOWS that he might be 'kicked out' - he just canNOT stop doing wrong things.

Last night I called S (as we talk almost every night).

The first gal answered and I asked for him. She stuttered and said "let me check."

The second gal ... sweet, quiet, innocent voice ... "See, we do med pass about 6:15 and then we have them sit quietly for 15 minutes. and we do room checks and It's nothing bad, and not supposed to have in his room it's all laid out so I want to talk to him about it before he walks in there..... 'WHAT? OH SAMUEL... What did he have?" ((again - sweet innocent voice)) Let me get the list.... Insert me SMACKING MY HEAD ON THE WALL Well... pens, a pencil, a screw - well, that's not a safe thing, toiletries I asked - did he have a comb? She said yes - ((He uses that to break the tines off and scratch himself)) So - I told her - No worries, I'll call back. You'll be much nicer to him than I want to be. Thanks!!

Later I called S back. Of course - he claimed the screw was given to him by a peer - so not his fault. The pens were his roommate's, so again - not his fault. I reminded him that he could have given the screw straight to a staff person, and not kept it. He acted surprised.

He had contraband in his room? AGAIN? I just don't get it....

He KNOWS they staff do room checks.

(He knows we have cameras in the house)

He KNOWS they will find things hidden in his room.

(He KNOWS we will watch the cameras)

He KNOWS there will be consequences.

(He KNOWS there will be consequences.)

He is SO SURPRISED!!

There HAS to be a disconnect in his brain between BEHAVIORS and CONSEQUENCES.

How in the WORLD can he understand the GRACE and FORGIVENESS of Jesus if there is such a disconnect between what he does, and what happens afterwards?

How can he ask for FORGIVENESS and ACCEPT that - if he doesn't know the difference between right and wrong?

I'm so thankful that GOD is the judge - not me!