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Showing posts with label confused. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confused. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 11, 2023

The Devil made me do it!

N seems to be doing 'ok' then his face gets cloudy, and he gets an angry/mean/confused look on his face. Sometimes he goes to sleep, sometimes he goes outside, or walks to the street - refusing to 'hear and obey' when we ask him to put the rock down, or come to the porch.  

Today - we cleaned up lunch and he sat back beside me to work on schoolwork.  He stopped, and got that strange look on his face.  I drew a '?' on his paper - and he filled it up with details.  Let me explain the picture (in the order he drew it - and as he shook his head yes to me guessing what he drew.  He used no words through all of this)

He wants to run out the front door, and get hit by a car in the street.  (in the middle of the page) 
That would make him "RIP" .  Here he is in a coffin in the ground with a "RIP" headstone. (above the middle)  
I asked him how he got the idea to go into the street, and he drew the train on the right middle, with the evil laugh ("mewhaha").  He sees the nightmare trains when he is in bed at night (moon) and it scares him.  (He's talked about these trains for a few days)

I asked if the trains are something he thinks about...his eyes panicked and he shook his head NO!  I said do you see them on the ceiling?  He shook his head YES YES YES!!

He drew that would make Mom and Sarah cry - and the Devil so happy. (on the bottom)
At the top - it would make God sad, and would break God's heart.

I took a second piece of paper - and drew a very strong God with 3 muscles on each arm (don't laugh!) and then the nightmare train - 'WEAK'.  (Noah filled in the smoke!) 
I drew the devil confused - with one weak muscle in each arm.  
Noah drew the Adam and Even - in the garden - that made God sad.  He drew the heart- that God loved Adam and Eve anyway.

Then, he went back to the first piece of paper and  beside the question mark that I drew - he drew the Devil again.  The devil is making him scared.  He said he can hear the Devil.  

I asked how I could help him.  He wrote 'text Sarah'.  Poor kiddo!

Monday, July 10, 2023

Such a short honeymoon


S has been home just over a week.  He was dropped on our doorstep at 1am Saturday morning (July 1).  He was excited, scared, happy, sad, frightened, relieved, anxious, etc.  Probably every feeling possible was in his little heart!


Saturday was a 'get to know you again' day and a Cornbelter's game.  Sunday - CHURCH!  We were all excited to have him back and to go to church together.


The first week was busy.  S needed to get back into the routine of school.  We do homeschooling all year around - so it was 'back to the grind'!  



Also, B helped S do his job charts.  I'm not sure either boy was excited about this partnership!!  It did make the rest of us smile a LOT!  



When the jobs were done, and the school (mostly) finished for the week, next was the traditional weekend movie night.   S requested to watch 'The Chosen", so we did that plus a Disney movie!  



THEN, the honeymoon ended!  First, a couple of yelling fits (followed by a quick apology!) 


Next, 'mr.sticky.fingers' came back.  Silly stuff: a comb, some D-rings, soap, spray paint.  He started going off on his own - (against his safety plan)...but always followed with 'I'm sorry. I'm trying, it's just hard."



THEN:  I find a tablet in his room, hidden under his towel.  "It didn't matter, no one was using it!"  So, as we start to talk through his safety plan - and how there are rules to follow, I find another very
disturbing situation!


We find the trim from the window in his bedroom. It was laying on the window sill.  He pulled it off Saturday night - and we found out Sunday night. 

The glass on the left side is now exposed.  Andrew most likely will try to caulk it, just to keep the glass in and keep Samuel safe from getting cut (or cutting himself).  Again "I'm sorry Mom & Dad. I wasn't in my right mind. I'm so sorry. I messed up.  I goofed."

FRUSTRATING - the window is a special order size (it was clearance years ago when we bought it) so of course - between seeing RED and being so upset, we are seeing  $$$$$$  

Of course - true to form, he apologizes.  And, I wonder how in the WORLD does God forgive me - when I sin, and apologize, and sin, and apologize, and sin, and.... over and over and over.  

On a side note - big brother Joseph was AMAZING in talking to Samuel.  My favorite part of all that - Joseph said "Samuel. You and I are a LOT alike. We are both very stubborn." 
(I'd like to end there - but I'll respect Joseph and continue)  "We can use that stubborn spirit for bad stuff, or we can choose to use it for good!  Being determined can be a blessing - so make good choices." 




Monday, June 5, 2023

Is it bedtime yet?

What a day it has been!  

Started with finding out that J had been up most of the night in his room.  (Good Job! on not coming out and waking everyone up!)  He was up and down, lights on, lights off basically all night.  He had to be exhausted.  He had taken his bathrobe belt and made a noose with it.  Don't ask why - that question never gets answered!

Today was the first day of our new school year.  Overall, the kids listened well and seemed excited to start school. 

N struggled in the afternoon. He left the house with his dog and no one knew!  He was 'off' over 5 hours before we got him in bed. 

A got to enjoy the dentist this afternoon, I think he may be rethinking his choice of avoiding brushing his teeth!!

B is hearing voices again, and they are getting louder.  He is struggling, but our psychiatrist is out of the office!

J lost his mind tonight.  He ON PURPOSE broke some wheels off of special light up cars.  He did this just for fun and doesn't understand why he should get in trouble or pay to have them replaced.  He also doesn't understand why he has consequences for telling Dad to 'SHUT UP', shoving the table across the room, or throwing books around!  

T had a GREAT day! OH WAIT - CORRECTION!!  Titus 'spray painted' the cameras in his room early in the morning - thinking I wouldn't notice.  BUMMER - I did.  GRRR.  He is now supposed to be cleaning his room (it's 9:35 pm)  But he's not~!

UPDATE:  10:40 T finally laid down.  I don't know about him - but I AM EXHAUSTED!


Friday, June 2, 2023

Unintended Consequences

J broke our dishwasher last night.  He was upset that he had been given a consequence.  

He whined. He cried.  He argued.  He pouted. He threw things.  He screamed.  He was so mad he slammed the dishwasher door open, slamming it into the floor.  He cracked the plastic surrounding the control panel.  He popped the front panel open, breaking the tabs that hold the front onto the door.  

Later, after he had calmed down, he tried to start the dishwasher, and realized the door was broken.  He asked for help  "I HAVE NO IDEA what happened."  

EVERY. OTHER. BOY. in the rooms said "J - YOU DID THAT!"  

"Well, Mr. J.  You are going to be washing dishes by hand for a LONG TIME." 

He still claims innocence.  
I still claim sanity.  

He is a high schooler. 

Which one of us do you believe?




Monday, January 24, 2011

Sometimes God confuses me...

...but I'm sure I never confuse God!

I read Pastor Brian Bill's sermon from yesterday at Pontiac Bible church and have become more confused as I've meditated on James 1:26-27: “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”


Why does God lump together - caring for Orphans - and keeping your tongue under control?  What do the two have to do with each other?


I like the part about caring for orphans....taking care of kids...I can do that.  I don't like the fact that God says if I can't keep my mouth from saying mean things.... then my religion might be worthless!  WHAT?  (better stop whining....)


OK - I understand that it's important to watch what I say - to be careful when I'm angry and not 'spout off' - but WHY lump that together with caring for orphans?


I'm so confused!!!