We are so excited that you have decided to look into the life of the Normal Beaty Bunch. We hope that these words will encourage you to fall passionately in love with Jesus and follow him with your whole life and heart!
I've been working on coming up with a catchy status for facebook - one that everyone would like, and comment on, and say cute things about - as Hannah and Jordan pack their truck and move to Spokane Washington.
I failed. Nothing cute - but nothing sad either. See - I'm really excited for them. So many people get excited when their babies get accepted into the right school, or land the right job, or get that promotion (all of which are GREAT things) but what REALLY gets me going - REALLY gets me excited - is seeing my babies FOLLOW GOD.
Jordan and Hannah are headed off to FOLLOW GOD - to pursue His work in their life. What more could a momma ask for? A good house, or FOLLOW GOD?
Yes - I'll miss them - so will my babies (who cry EACH and EVERY time I say something about 'moving truck') ....But they are FOLLOWING GOD.
Their oldest uncle told my mother once - "It's safer to be in the middle of a war, and in God's plan, than to be here at home with Mom, and not in God's plan." I'm thankful Hannah and Jordan are in the smack dab middle of God's plan.
Hannah - this is just for you:
Noah~playing quietly - SUDDENLY throws train across the room.
Me~"Noah! What's wrong?"
Noah~"I'm MAD at Hannah!"
Me~"Why are you mad at Hannah?"
Noah~"Jordan won't take me to the farm anymore!"
Me~"So shouldn't you be mad at Jordan?"
Noah~"No! He showed me the cow peeing in the mud! But I'm mad at HANNAH!"
Me~"It's ok Noah. Hannah and Jordan are following God."
Naoh was born 2 months early. His birth momma liked her drugs, but her drugs didn't like Noah. He suffered from torticollis- which impacted the development of his muscles on his left side. We noticed that he couldn't turn his head well, because his neck muscles were weak - thus resulting in a 'flat head' and therefore the privilege of wearing a helmet to reshape his head.
Another things we noticed was that Noah ALWAYS held food in his mouth - on his left side. He would pocket it, carrots, cheese, cereal, bread, YUCK! He would eat part of his food, two bites of his food, or all but the last bite - it didn't matter. And then he'd hold that food in his mouth....for HOURS and HOURS.
We got him evaluated - and then got feeding therapy for him - to help him learn to swallow. He had other 'feeding issues' stemming from the torticollis - and eventually he 'graduated' from feeding therapy.
Two weeks later, we had apple pie for breakfast (Yes - I do feed the kids pie for breakfast - it has a LOT of fruit in it!). 5 hours later I heard myself say "Noah, swallow your breakfast so I can feed you lunch." That's when I realized we had a problem!
Noah 'suffers' from something called Sensory Processing Disorder. (http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com ) The best way I can explain this - to the best of my understanding/knowledge - is that he cannot proccess the different things that affect his senses. For example - when you're hot and tired - and you take a shower to relax you - and the water falls over your head - you sigh a deep sigh and relax. Noah SCREAMS - it hurts. It's not relaxing at all. Or, you step outside and the gently misty rain is refreshing, Samuel (Noah's brother) runs inside crying because of the 'pain' of the mist hitting his skin.
Noah also 'chews' on his blanket. He constantly wants something in his mouth...his blanket, his fingers, a stuffed animal ... or food. It is a comfort to him. He won't use a pacifier (never really did) ... but MUST have something in his mouth. You'll notice in this picture of Titus' adoption day, that all three younger bio sibs have their hands in their mouths. That's a sensory thing!
Many of the behaviors that my boys do - I never allowed my older kids to do (take their shoes off at church, jump on the couch, run around during supper, etc.) but I am learning that all of these behaviors are due to the SPD they have, and are a result of their prenatal exposure to drugs. It's not their fault!
I believe that Noah's desire to hold food in his cheek because it is a comfort to him. Soggy bread or mushy cereal is like a security blanket for a 'normal' kid, or like a piece of gum or a cigarette hanging out of someone's mouth, or for me - like a cup of coffee in my hand! He uses that food to comfort himself.
There are a LOT more things my kids do - to help calm themselves, to feel 'comfortable' - but for right now - I'm going to grab a cup of coffee - and give Noah a snack!
Wow - I'm glad we aren't giving birth to any more children. This 'choosing a name' thing is HARD! But - after much discussion and even more discussion - we have decided on a name for our youngest child. We've used 14 boy names so far ... each and every once carefully chosen for the person they represent in the Bible. So - lots of thought went into choosing this name.
~ Titus Nathan ~
TITUS - He was trusted by Paul - he comforted people, brought joy to people, cared for people. He was an all around good guy who LOVED Jesus. NATHAN - He was a prophet, who God spoke to, and who wasn't afraid to do what was right, stand up to the King, and speak truth. (I mean, think about it. He went to King David, told him that he was living in sin by sleeping with another man's wife. That's a scary task!) Our prayer for Titus Nathan - is that he will be a man of God, who is trustworthy and compassionate, and who isn't afraid to speak truth even when it is not safe to do so! We love you son.
Ask my kids what I want for Christmas - and they'll all recite (in a funny, high pitched voice) A CLEAN HOUSE AND A HAPPY HOME!
Seriously - that's all I really want from my kids. (Now - my husband -that's a different story - I've got a list for him!) But from my kids - even the married ones - I really just want a clean house - and a happy home.
#1 A CLEAN HOUSE
Now - reality - REALLY???? A clean house- with 9 kids living here? THERE'S NO WAY! Cleaned the bathroom, someone peed on the wall. Empty the sink, someone puts dishes in there. Mop the floor, someone spills applesauce and runs and hides! Shampoo the carpet, someone spills their drink. A clean house will never happen while we live here.
Maybe that clean house will happen when the youngest child moves out on his own????
#2 A HAPPY HOME
Really - all I want is kids to not fight - to not steal their siblings toy, or their hairbrush. To not scream at each other "I had that first!". To allow the other to go first to wash their hands. To sit by each other and not poke or hit or pinch.
Maybe that happy home will happen when the children move out?
Today, at church, Caleb and Hannah were sitting side by side, with their spouses on the outside. They weren't poking each other, they weren't hitting or pinching or kicking or fussing at each other....
This is the first of many 'happy home' Christmas gifts! THANKS GUYS!!!
Got an encouraging email from the youth pastor at our church today. It almost made me cry. Here's what he said:
"So sorry Karen, we will be praying for Elizabeth. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help."
Elizabeth is dealing with some mental health issues. She is gone, in a hospital - getting help from some mental health professionals.
Another email I got today was from a professional therapist, and she said:
"People don't understand how emotionally draining it is to take care of a child with a mental illness and I know that the parents often get blamed for what is going on, which adds to the emotional stress. Or, people from the outside think they have all the answers, when in reality, a lot of times there is no answer that will completely solve the problem :( "
I am going to answer Pastor Dave (Thanks for asking!) and the rest of you -please feel free to eavesdrop on our conversation.
Pastor Dave - let me answer your question in two ways. #1 - Things you can do to help. #2 - Things that are not helpful!
Things to KNOW:
~ This is hard for us. It's just as hard as if one of our children had a broken neck, or cancer. It SUCKS. Please understand we might not want to talk. BE THERE.
~ This is hard for us. It feels like we are alone on an island, with NO ONE who understands. It SUCKS. Please understand we might WANT to talk. Just LISTEN.
~This is hard for our children. ALL OF THEM. They might want to talk. Just LISTEN. They might NOT want to talk. BE THERE. Just don't force them to answer questions.
~This is hard for ELIZABETH. She didn't ask for this. She didn't choose this. She DOESN'T WANT this. She is SCARED. She is EMBARRASSED. She HURTS.
~ PRAY for her. PRAY for her MOM and DAD. PRAY for her SIBLINGS ... all of them. Pray for HEALING. Pray for the family ... Pray for STRENGTH to get through this. Please - PRAY!
~ A mental health illness is NOT a parenting flaw. Read up on mental health.
#1 - Ways you can help.
Be practical. What if your child was having brain surgery?. What would help you? Think through what you would want me to do for you if your child were in an extended "regular hospital" stay or had a major accident:
~Send an email or card to Elizabeth.
~Pray. Pray with us. Pray at your home for us. Tell us you are praying. Come pray with us. ~Bring a meal over - frozen pizza is GREAT! We have an oven! ~Offer to babysit - even just one or two of our other children. They are scared. ~Listen. Ask questions. Don't gossip. ~Give a gas card (Elizabeth is approximately 150 miles away) ~Offer to go with on a trip to visit her.~Come help out at our house. Wash some dishes or just read a story to the kids. Watch a video with the kids or push them on our swings. ~Remember that when she comes home, she won't be magically FIXED. We will still need support for months and years to come.
Ideas from other source. These are ways to help and encourage the sick person, but are very appropriate for the family of the sick person!
#2 - Things that ARE NOT helpful.
Please think before you talk...
~ Don't act like the Old Testament friends of Job who were quick to point out all of the reasons this was Job's fault. ~ Don't ignore us or our children. Talk to us. ~ Don't keep talking. Just say "I don't understand, but I care. I will pray." ~ Don't tell us how to fix her. ~ Don't tell us that "This is the NEW NORMAL" for our family. No - it's not NORMAL. It is an illness. ~ Don't ask us if we've prayed for her. DUH! We are the BEATY BUNCH - of COURSE we've prayed. We've asked our church elders, our church families, her therapist, her doctor, our family, our friends, and many MANY others to pray.
The therapist that was emailing me this morning went on to say:
"People need to understand that this isn't something that just goes away, even with prayer. Prayer is good and powerful but as you know, its not always God's intention to just make things like this disappear. Maybe the prayer needs to not necessarily focus on healing but rather a prayer to help the two of you, the rest of the family, and everyone that surrounds you to have the patience and understanding to help Elizabeth (and you guys) through the difficult periods in life that she is likely to experience. "
Our oldest son stated it so well .... ".Let me respectfully say, if you believe she can be healed just by prayer, please pray for her. We're not against it. Believe me, we've tried. But please stop telling us how to tell the doctors to do their job. If all she needs is prayer, prove it."
We are seeking help from TRAINED PROFESSIONALS, pediatric specialists, who work with children who have these mental health issues.These specialists have been TRAINED PROFESSIONALS longer than Elizabeth has been alive!
Please - take time to watch this video about helping a friend with a Mental Illness - it might help explain how we're feeling.
Again - THANK YOU Pastor Dave...for asking. That means so much more than you will EVER KNOW.
I was out shopping for a new computer for our younger children to use for their homework and to Skype with their older siblings (and fiancés) who live out of the area. The salesman tried to convince me I needed a laptop instead of a desktop. When I explained that our “older kids” had laptops and that I was getting something to use for the “younger ones”, I mentioned that we had eleven children.
"ELEVEN?" he asked.
Baby Brother's first day with the family
He was unable to mask his surprise…
...his shock…
...his disbelief,
as he asked in a LOUD voice,
“Why in the world would you keep having so many kids?!?!?!”
I then explained that we only had five biological children, but had adopted (well the baby isn’t quite adopted yet) six children, his response immediately changed from one of horror to one of awe.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5 .... HOW MANY???
It’s a conversation that we often have in stores, in parking lots, in restaruants, when people see the numerous stick figures on our vehicles, when people ask about our big blue bus, or at various places when people have heard about “The Beaty Bunch”. It’s becoming more common for us to receive phone calls, texts, Facebook messages, emails, and other forms of communication from friends and from friends of friends or even friends of friends of friends, as people have questions and want to find out more about fostering and adopting.
We’ve taught several classes and seminars on the incredible needs for people to foster and adopt children from within the US. As part of an assignment for one of my Ed.D. classes at Illinois State University, I thought it would be good to give people access to some of the teaching materials that we use in our sessions. Please feel free to use the handouts or the PowerPoint from our Connecting Hearts With the Forgotten Conferences if they can help you out…of course, you’ll need to add your own stories =).
Room for more!
Also, here are a couple of videos that also point out the huge need for caring for orphans: Why Love Orphans, and Creation Groans.
Home Depot Adventure
For some of you, the thought of adopting a kid into your own family is very overwhelming. This year, we ventured into a new direction and helped a Ukrainian family adopt an Ukrainian child from an orphanage. This is an easy way for you to get involved in solving the global orphan crisis with less personal expense and involvement, but it still makes an incredible difference for that one child. You can find out more about this project at LifeSong’s website.
You can also help locally by working with the Forgotten Initiative and improve the visitation rooms at area agencies that provide care for foster kids.
So, the next time you see our Big Blue Bus going through town, or see us purchasing three mega-packs of toilet paper at Sam’s, or you have a friend who wonders about fostering or adopting…please think of us and contact us!
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Their oldest uncle told my mother once - "It's safer to be in the middle of a war, and in God's plan, than to be here at home with Mom, and not in God's plan." I'm thankful Hannah and Jordan are in the smack dab middle of God's plan.
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