"You've done the best possible"
"There's no words of change I could offer"
"You two are the healthiest couple I've ever worked with"
"You both are so skilled and talented in dealing with this, it's amazing"
"If anyone can help her~you are the right people to do that"
"This family, although large, functions very smoothly together"
"It's obvious how great of parents you are"
"You two have the best skill set to deal with someone like her"
"No one else could have done as great a job as you have"
"Anywhere else, she would have had a disrupted adoption"
"You both are doing a great job with her"
"She is so blessed to have been with you two"
...none of these
WORDS
help take away the
FEELINGS
of failure and guilt.
ok so Im going out on a limb here and say I assume we are talking about Elizabeth-YOU DID NOT FAIL HER-you may feel that way but YOU DID NOT FAIL HER. You stepped in where tons of others would have thrown in the parental towel and said enough. Mental issues are hard exceptionally hard-not only on the person that has the issues but the caregivers,siblings ,friends everyone tht is involved in their life. God gave you this child and this challenge because He knew you were/are the best for her-NOT because He thought you could fix her or cure her or take away her issues-but because HE KNEW YOU WOULD LOVE HER UNCONDTIONALLY and regardless of the outcome you would hold her close to your heart at all times. I know it doesnt take away the feelings-your a mom-thats what we are good at-feeling like we never do anything well enough-trust me when I say YOU ARE DOING ALL YOU CAN HUMANLY DO-sometimes the hardest part of being a mom is saying I cant do anymore -I dont know what else to do . And Im sure that you hold her up in prayer every single day. Think about a CB page for her-for you its a place to vent,to ask for prayer to get support. More importantly to know you arent alone in this journey. I love you and all you do for all the kiddos
ReplyDeleteOh mommy....I love you.
ReplyDeleteHey Karen, I know that during these times it is so difficult to think of the positives and to reframe things from failures to success. I know I can't completely relate to the situation you are in right now but I worked with many mentally ill clients at TBF and the success in their life had to be measured differently than the rest of us. When you think about what could or would have happened with Elizabeth if you and Andrew would not have come into her life and provided her with a stable safe Christian family environment for the time that you have, it may help to put things in perspective for you and see the positive things that not only have you done in her life but what she has done in yours. Maybe this is the success that God intended for her and for you. I worked with a client who was schizophrenic who was very dear to me and would come to our house and spend time with me (freaked Sean out!). Her success has been living in a group home with a job and friends. She is not hurting herself and those aroud her, which would likely occur if not for the wonderful group home she is in. It's not exactly what I would have chosen for her and probably not what she would have chosen for herself. But it is success and it is what God had chosen for her. I know these words probably don't help a whole lot. But people like you make a big difference in the lives of these children and I know sometimes it so difficult when we don't see the immediate changes or the success that we had hoped for. I'm keeping you guys in my prayers!!!
ReplyDelete